Recently
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the celebrated memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, posted this
Paul Tillich quote on Facebook. I added it to my page noting that the reason my
memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace, has that title is because it took me so long to experience this truth.
Elizabeth Gilbert
Patricia
Hollinger’s poem, Amazing Grace, appeared in True Words from Real Women, a Story Circle journal of short pieces
of life-writing by SCN members. The topic for the September issue was grace.
Patricia gave me permission to share her poem with you.
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...
Just hearing the tune makes
many a heart pound.
That saved a wretch like me!
Is what follows and causes me
to plea.
I was NOT a wretch, “Damnit,” I
said,
From such words I often fled.
With religious angst and major
depression,
These words reinforced a
negative impression.
I changed the word wretch to a soul like me,
After hours and hours of
therapy.
Yes, I was lost in the throes
of religious zealots,
Their words often stung me like
BB pellets.
Now I am found in the truth of
my soul,
Seeking this became my ultimate
goal.
My eyes had been blinded for
many years,
As I heard sermons designed to
elicit fears.
“Tis the grace of the presence
of a listening ear,
As I poured out my hopes and
fears,
That brought me home to my true
self,
Never again in fear will I sit
on a shelf.
Patricia Ropp Hollinger
Dichotomy: Intellect & Soul
I
could relate to Patricia’s blindness, having been blinded to grace myself for
some of the very same reasons. While I didn’t intellectually take in the dogma,
the words in the liturgy and music about sin and unworthiness found their way
into my psyche, making my already difficult life circumstances even more
grueling.
Thankfully,
the preaching in my progressive denomination, often influenced by Paul
Tillich’s theology, leans more toward emphasizing the love of the Divine. My own
preaching certainly did. Still, like Patricia, I needed to pour out hopes and
fears to compassionate listening ears. Much of my struggle in A Long Awakening to Grace is related to
the confusing dichotomy between my intellect and my soul.
Graced with a Miracle: Radical Acceptance
And
then, not so very long ago, a miracle happened. Another layer of numb gave way,
awakening me to grace at a deeper level than I ever imagined possible. My eyes
were opened to my wretchedness and at the same time to my loveableness. From
this new vantage point, I could embrace the mixture we all seem to be...I could
appreciate as never before our human journey of coming into consciousness of
the divinity at our center.
With
this radical acceptance of my humanness and my divinity, the dis-ease
engendered by fear of condemnation, the stigma of guilt, and the decree of
unworthiness has been tempered considerably. Their shadows continue to creep
into my psyche from time to time. But awareness frees me to soulfully sing, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.
...remember
that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater.
Clarissa Pinkola
Estés
