COMMUNITY: Sage Sisters

“The key...is community,

which is so necessary for physical, emotional, and spiritual health

throughout life and especially as we age.

Ron Pevny, author of Conscious Living, Conscious Aging

For my emotional and spiritual health, after retiring from my profession as a therapist, I became intentional about building community. As a single introverted woman, this hasn’t been easy, but has been well worthwhile. In this post, I want to share with you about one of the communities I was invited to help form...the Sage Sisters.

We have been meeting once a month for a couple of years and have used resources to guide our exploration: Joan Chittister’s, The Gift of Years: Growing Old Gracefully; Angeles Arien’s, The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom; and now Ron Pevny’s, Conscious Living, Conscious Aging.

All of us have been committed to a path of personal and spiritual growth and have a spiritual practice that sustains us. We enjoy attending lectures, taking classes and workshops, participating in book clubs and spiritually-oriented groups. One of us learned to play the piano at age 65. Another married late in life and adopted two teenagers.

We are an eclectic group. One of us has travelled abroad extensively with a special interest in visiting Black Madonna sites. Another of us has the privilege of being part of the decision-making in how to share and distribute funds in a family foundation. One of us volunteers for hospice and knits prayer shawls for hospitalized people locally and beyond.  Some of the issues we give our energy to include the environment, the food we eat, how we live in community, issues of injustice for the poor and disabled, how to attain world peace. 

Our focus is on making a difference in the world. We are each called to do that in different ways. We see this time in our lives as “give back” time, but any activities we invest with our energy and wisdom must be meaningful and purposeful. It is our hope that the world will soon recognize and honor the gifts elders have to offer. We enjoy sharing our wisdom and mentoring younger people. 

Two of us are published authors.

We intend to serve until we take our last breath, and at this time in our lives, we find ourselves letting go of the “do, do, do” of our younger years. We are drawn to an inward, reflective path. Crowds of people and noise have lost their allure.

We support each other in facing the challenges that come with aging consciously and with wisdom and grace. Most of us have health challenges. Our attitude is “WE are all in this together.” We’ve all had the experience of loss that comes with aging and we face together the need to “let go” of “what was” to more fully embrace “what is.”

As you can see, we are an amazing group of women. We range in age from 72-85. Even though we are older than the baby boomers, like them we intend to live and age consciously—with meaning and purpose. 

Monday—A Grace-filled Day

The special moments in which we individuals receive a grace

show how the universe loves to become personal,

to incarnate itself in time and space.

David Richo

Photo taken by Joshua Thomas of Red River, New Mexico

For our Angel Group’s meditation on Monday morning, we each said a little prayer before drawing one of Cheryl Richardson’s Grace Cards out of a hat. Then we one-by-one slowly while breathing deeply shared the wisdom contained on the card. I drew silence. It was lovely.

One of the Angels shared how she thinks of me while doing an exercise for her back. She’s a do-do-do kind of person and lying on the floor for ten minutes is an eternity for her. She thinks of how silence was so important for me on my recent retreat. Later she gave me a hug and told me she reads several times a week the personal message I wrote for her on her Christmas card.

Last week in the Spirituality Forum I attend at our senior center, one of our members mentioned Anne Lamott’s book about the three essential prayers, Help Thanks Wow. I shared that my prayer at this time is “Help!!” Monday afternoon, a friend from the group called to respond to my prayer of last week. She’d been thinking about me and called to share a spiritual practice she used at a time in her life similar to mine that helped her. She added that she sees me as a good person who deserves to have what I want in life. When we ended the conversation, she said, “I love you.” Needless to say, I was moved to tears.

I noted, “This was probably risky of you to call and share all this with me.”

She agreed, admitting she doesn’t think she has the right to interfere in another person’s life. I told her I did not experience this as interference. I felt loved and cared about and thanked her for taking the risk.

I will be adopting her spiritual practice.

Then later in the evening the phone rang again. A very dear friend of many years (the same one my daughter and I called upon for help recently) had been thinking of me during the day and decided to call. She had an experience yesterday that increased her appreciation for my listening skills.  She said, “I think you’re a highly evolved human being and I’m really glad we are friends.”  

After her call, I wrote in my Grace journal these wonderful connections made during the day and the gifts of grace these women bestowed upon me.

We all need to know we are loved and that we make a difference in the world. I’m grateful for these women extending Divine love to me in human form and to know I make a difference in their lives. And I’m grateful for the difference they make in mine.

I am truly in awe at the gifts of grace bestowed upon me on this amazing grace-filled Monday. 

An Opportunity to Practice

An intention for 2015:

Increase my awareness of the light of grace in the midst of life’s messiness.

Linda A. Marshall

On January 1^st I posted this intention on my blog.

On January 2^nd messiness entered my life.

As I set that intention, I wondered if I was inviting messiness in. It seems that I had.

I received a tearful phone call from my forty-three-year-old daughter who is single and has a disability. She depends on me. She’d just experienced a significant loss in her life.

I might have jumped in to try to control the situation. I’d certainly done that often enough in the past. But letting go and accepting my powerlessness over people, places, and things is something I began working on some thirty years ago.  

And, as I reminded myself, I’d made that intention. So, at the beginning of 2015, I remained calm and looked for the light of grace.

I listened to my daughter’s distress and then asked, “How can I support you? Just let me know what you need and I’ll do it.”

She was conflicted about what she needed from me. She needed my presence but my presence would not have been well received by those she had to deal with, making her situation even more distressing.

And so we waited for guidance. And then the still small voice of Wisdom within gave us the answer. “Reach out for support from a friend who cares.”

 Thank God for friends.

Karen has served as a gift of grace in the midst of the messiness in our life on several occasions. She appears in my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace, as just such a gift. Once again, Karen entered as usual—with compassion, empathy, and a deep wisdom of her own.

I write this post with gratitude for the increase in my awareness of the light of grace and the decrease in the length of time it takes for me to notice. 

DEEPENING: Divine Messiness

Look for God's realm peeking through our imperfect world.

Deb Kaiser-Cross

My friends, Kathryn, Sharon, Karen, Jennie and many others speak of feeling closer to the Divine in nature than anywhere else. Jennie, one of my writer friends, writes eloquently about it. With them in mind, I set off on Thanksgiving morning for a walk in the woods at the center where I am engaging in a personal, silent retreat, hoping for Divine guidance to deepen my memoir.

Where I experience the intimacy my friends speak of is most often in my journal. Writing letters and reflections to the Divine in my journal is my major spiritual practice. On occasion, a wisdom beyond my own emerges from my pen giving me guidance and a new perspective on life.

 But I’m curious about my friend’s experience and so, as I embark for the woods, I declare, “On my walk, I’m going to be more present to my surroundings to see if I can have their kind of experience with the Divine.”

From the windows in the back of my little cabin, I’ve been marveling at the large expanse of trees reaching their limbs to the sky. As I enter into their midst, my attention is drawn to that which is rotting—wet darkened leaves, broken limbs, and fallen trees. I chuckle at my neat, tidy, orderly, perfectionist self. The woods are messy. I probably miss my connection with the Divine in the woods because I’m not able to control the messiness.

I head for the aptly named Stillwater River at the edge of the woods. A huge rock provides seating as I gaze at the gently flowing water and journal my reflections. I much prefer the metaphor of the river flowing as life flows—around barriers, smoothing our rough places.

Once back in the silence of my cabin, I notice the messiness in my journal. In my writing, I wade through the messiness in my monkey-mind until a clearing of new awareness and understanding emerges. This weekend the still small voice of the Divine within gives me what I came hoping for—clear guidance for deepening my memoir.

Awe fills me as an awareness of the messiness of nature mirroring the messiness of life becomes clear. My memoir is about the messiest stretch of my life. I am reminded that in the midst of the mess, I have my most profound encounter with the Divine.

An intention for 2015: Increase my awareness of the light of grace in the midst of life’s messiness.

You Are Accepted...How Sweet The Sound

Recently Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the celebrated memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, posted this Paul Tillich quote on Facebook. I added it to my page noting that the reason my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace, has that title is because it took me so long to experience this truth.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Patricia Hollinger’s poem, Amazing Grace, appeared in True Words from Real Women, a Story Circle journal of short pieces of life-writing by SCN members. The topic for the September issue was grace. Patricia gave me permission to share her poem with you.

Amazing Grace

                      Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...

                                Just hearing the tune makes many a heart pound.

                                That saved a wretch like me!

                                Is what follows and causes me to plea.

                                I was NOT a wretch, “Damnit,” I said,

                                From such words I often fled.

                                With religious angst and major depression,

                                These words reinforced a negative impression.

                                I changed the word wretch to a soul like me,

                                After hours and hours of therapy.

                                Yes, I was lost in the throes of religious zealots,

                                Their words often stung me like BB pellets.

                                Now I am found in the truth of my soul,

                                Seeking this became my ultimate goal.

                                My eyes had been blinded for many years,

                                As I heard sermons designed to elicit fears.

                                “Tis the grace of the presence of a listening ear,

                                As I poured out my hopes and fears,

                               That brought me home to my true self,

                               Never again in fear will I sit on a shelf.

Patricia Ropp Hollinger

Dichotomy: Intellect & Soul

I could relate to Patricia’s blindness, having been blinded to grace myself for some of the very same reasons. While I didn’t intellectually take in the dogma, the words in the liturgy and music about sin and unworthiness found their way into my psyche, making my already difficult life circumstances even more grueling.

Thankfully, the preaching in my progressive denomination, often influenced by Paul Tillich’s theology, leans more toward emphasizing the love of the Divine. My own preaching certainly did. Still, like Patricia, I needed to pour out hopes and fears to compassionate listening ears. Much of my struggle in A Long Awakening to Grace is related to the confusing dichotomy between my intellect and my soul.

Graced with a Miracle: Radical Acceptance

And then, not so very long ago, a miracle happened. Another layer of numb gave way, awakening me to grace at a deeper level than I ever imagined possible. My eyes were opened to my wretchedness and at the same time to my loveableness. From this new vantage point, I could embrace the mixture we all seem to be...I could appreciate as never before our human journey of coming into consciousness of the divinity at our center.

With this radical acceptance of my humanness and my divinity, the dis-ease engendered by fear of condemnation, the stigma of guilt, and the decree of unworthiness has been tempered considerably. Their shadows continue to creep into my psyche from time to time. But awareness frees me to soulfully sing, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

...remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater.

Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Memoirs That Inspire Me: Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin

Writers are encouraged to read widely in the genre in which they are writing. As a result, I have been reading and listening to a lot of memoirs. It only recently occurred to me to share the bounty with you.

When someone has the courage to allow their life to be guided by their authentic spirit within, I am inspired. That is especially true when everything in their external life tells them they should be someone else.

Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin

Nicole Hardy

Nicole Hardy’s memoir is funny and thoughtful as she allows us into her most intimate struggles with remaining faithful to her desire to be a writer and not the homemaker, wife, and mother that is supposed to lead to her eternal reward. As a single Mormon, she risks separation from all she holds dear to be true to herself and live a full life that includes expressing herself physically as well as emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. 

Inspired by a professor in her MFA program, “Write what you fear,” Nicole wrote about her struggles with celibacy and read to a writer’s group of mostly strangers. They received her with great enthusiasm and encouraged her to send her essay to Daniel Jones, the New York Times editor of the Modern Love column. He found her essay, “Single, Female, Mormon, Alone” intriguing and published it. It was chosen as “notable” in 2012’s Best American Essays.

Most touching for me was the way her parents struggled to understand and accept their free-thinking daughter’s choices while never withdrawing their love for her, finally realizing the gift she had given to others in their faith by being her authentic self. Without knowing it, Nicole gave voice to the struggles of many Mormons, opening dialogue between parents and children and the church-at-large, creating the possibility of finding a better way of nurturing the singles in their midst.

Memoirs that Inspire Me: A House in the Sky

When the radiance of the human spirit shines through in a transformative way, I am inspired. That is especially true when the transformation happens in the midst of a journey into darkness.

A House in the Sky

Amanda Lindhout & Sara Corbett

Amanda Lindhout's memoir is an amazing account of transcending one of the most horrific of life experiences. She developed compassion for the Islamic extremist who held her in captivity for fifteen harrowing months.

Upon her release, she emerged as a sought after speaker on topics of forgiveness, compassion, and women's rights. 

Inspired by a woman who tried to help her escape, she founded the Global Enrichment Foundation to provide scholarships to Somali women to attend university. When asked why she did this, she responded, "Because I had something very, very large and very painful to forgive, and by choosing to do that, I was able to put into place my vision, which was making Somalia a better place." She believes that if her captor's mothers had such an opportunity for education, they would have treated her differently.

http://globalenrichmentfoundation.ca/